Mom, and I thought I would die before her. She seems so full of life, and now with that heart attack, could be anytime. I wonder how my mind works, I didn't showed any emotion, neither real concern. It was just another fact I had to deal with. Why I can't feel I ask myself sometimes. I Buddha is right, won't be the first time we are together and won't be the last, there are still lot of cycles to go trough, and our lives are together because of some choice a past me or a future me, you never know with Karma laws, choosed her. Of course that's what budhists scholars say and it's easy to believe in that instead of the catholic or the science version. Should I know about death, I had "died" twice. I still wonder what was going in my mind in those days. Death really looked to me as the only way out of a world I couldn't undertand and from a pain I ignored the source. Now I know, that put a smile on me sometimes when the toil is hard. The lotus blooms pure among the dirt. So Buddha speaks. God, I hate when I turn like this. The lack of sleep seems to free my mind and my fingers and they just want to write and write and write. Planning still running. 5:20am in Barbados, I just hope it finish on time.