That feeling of everything going to fast for me to care, I thought I’d overcome it, when I tripped and felt into the maelstrom again, don’t know, but is way clear I’m willing or unwillingly, more willing I think, to put myself again in a path of self-destruction.
Best sign of this: this year five priorities, so important at the beginning of this year, now don’t induce the simplest emotional response.
Is stability deluding me into thinking everything is ok? while my mind blocks itself, the barely capability of rationality that I’m allowed to summon is not enough to make me react, shake, awake.
Is like being trapped in a dream, trying to awake myself but unable to do so, while danger looms closer and closer.
Maybe I’m down and I hadn’t notice, could be, wish I could just go away for a while, alone, to sit and ask freely and without fear of judgment, “Ken, what’s going on now?” and receive an answer.
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