Musing IV Part II

October 28
Musing IV Part II

I need to buy another bed, we fucked so hard it almost broke. I had to put her on top of my desk and finish there.

After a few smokes she left, as always, to go to her other life, to her husband and kids. A life I'm not part of.

So I stayed alone, in the dull light of my room, undecided between a snort, a smoke or a pill to kill the sadness. Contemplating Buddha's permanent detachment and wishing I could learn to do the same.

Why I get emotional involved with my lovers. Even not trying, I finally care about the innumerable ones that share my bed. I can remember every single one of them. Their taste, their smell, their orgasms, the way the candles light their faces. I probably was a celibate priest in a past life, that's why I can't stop having sex in this one.

My bed can't take anymore.

I can't take anymore.

When I'm going to fall in love and have a family and kids of my own, so my wife would be able to cheat with someone like me.

Life sucks and life repeats itself.

We are the silly pawns.

Musings Part IV

I'm wondering, what dies within a man when he sees his true love sleeping in the arms of another man. I know you are left with a broken heart, with emotions you've never experienced before (hate, rage,pain,sadness), and the worst secondary effect, the distrust, I'm wondering if I'll ever trust another human again, I'm sure I'm not, it's going to be a long lonely life. Humans sucks. Paraphrasing Robbie "I'm loving dogs instead..."

Let's go

After this I’ll be able to write “How to live on less than $20 a week”

Good thought, hehehe, I’ll document my efforts in my blog.

See more progress on: live below my means

Lacking...

I’m to visit the U before this friday.
I’m to visit the U before this friday.
I’m to visit the U before this friday.
I’m to visit the U before this friday.
I’m to visit the U before this friday.
I’m to visit the U before this friday.

See more progress on: finish my thesis

Cancelling the trip to Bocas...

I’m not going to Bocas next week. Instead I’m going to Chiriquí and spent the week with my mother.

See more progress on: spend more time with my mother

This is a very hard task...

But what a feeling when you see how the face of a human being relax when you face his violence with kindness.

See more progress on: be compassionate

Update on Live life the best I can...

I’d had improvements in the past month. I’m going out too much and that’s a lot of money being spent just to feel less stressed, I’m pushing that extra energy to more worthy tasks.

In my spiritual side I’m feeling too detached, just focusing in the now.

I’m avoiding taking some big decisions, the pattern is there, I’m wondering when I came so reacious to change.

See more progress on: Live Life the best I can

Now I need a scanner...

I’m glad I did it. I’ll need a scanner now to be able digitize the entries and upload them to my site.

See more progress on: keep a sketchbook

Waiting for my birdwatching course...

The Audubon will announce when the next birdwatching course is going to be done. So I’ll have to wait.

In the meantime I’m uploading the Panamenian’s birds checklist into mysql so I can check online the ones I had identified so far. That could be a cool webapp for birdwatchers and since my country just had just being designed as a western hemisphere shorebird reserve network hemispheric site and there’s a lot of birdwatching action going on this month would be cool to meet new people this way.

See more progress on: be better at identifying birds and bird calls

About the collapse of the Berlin Wall...

It's weird that I look myself at the mirror and I can see this "immaculate" imagen of order and control and all around it everything is crashing and falling.

I got more than I bargained for when I seek enlightment.

But shouldn't enlightment be permeating everyone around me?

Why I feel it's contained inside and I won't let it out. Why I'm waiting for. A sign?

A sign...

And so the Berlin wall fell...

Musings...

Dawn was beautiful today.
I couldn’t sleep a bit.

See more progress on: Take one picture a day as a way to document my life

Project MI 2.0

-Finish MI 2.0

See more progress on: complete projects that I start

Well, at least I managed to create index.html

Well, I’ve owned panamaensis.com and welcomepanama.com for two years now and had nothing much else besides using them to store my files online, an project manager application I rarely use these days. The most active stuff being my photoblog.

Yesterday I managed to build a initial in construction page to shield the default site message.

http://www.panamaensis.com
http://www.welcomepanama.com

http://fotos.welcomepanama.com

See more progress on: Finish my website

My room this morning...

I’m wondering if I kept my room so cluttered as an excuse for not to bring sex partners home.

See more progress on: Take one picture a day as a way to document my life

Well my list so far:

-Spanish (Native)
-English (Second Language)
-Latin (Well, I know it’s a dead lingua but it’s quite cool)

Next ones:

-Mandarin (Speak, read and write)
-German (Speak it, I already read and write it)
-Italian (Speak and write it, I already read it)
-Portuguese (Speak and write it, I already read it)

See more progress on: Become fluent in more than one language

Mmmm

As far my writtings are related to narrate my errands from day to day in my blogs. I’m thinking on starting a separate history on a separate blog, narrating about me narrating my errands. That would be interesting.

See more progress on: become a better writer

Sent emails to Jon and Jackie

Well, sent a couple of emails to Jon and Jackie to let them know what I’ve been up to.

See more progress on: Keep in touch with people

This is a hard one!!

- Buy a prepaid gsm card and carry it on the cell instead of the contract one so I’ll be forced to be savvy with my airtime.

-Turn off the lights I’m not using at night.

-Turn off my computer at night.

-Use the gas stove instead of the microwave or the electric one.

-Use less water when I take a shower

-Don’t wash my clothes as soon as I take them off, take a day and wash everything that day.

-Eat more at home instead of in fancy restaurants every day

See more progress on: spend less money

The girl down the coffe shop was having a bad day...

And I can’t blame her, people can be so much rude. I asked her what coffe she liked the most and then invited her one. I thought later that was silly since she’s surrounded by coffe all day but I got her to smile.

See more progress on: make someone smile

I can't find the right pump!

Well, the pump I have is too strong. I need a smaller one.

See more progress on: A fountain sculpture of St. Francis of Assisi made by me

The other day..

I was at a friend’s house and he has a tablet, it’s wonderful what you can do with that baby and the right software! Well, it doesn’t has the allure of wet paint but, at least I can “simulate” painting at 2:00am in the morning when I’m insomniac and it’s worthless to try to paint anything under incandescent light.

See more progress on: paint more often

I'm going for Bajan fish cakes.

From Barbados I miss the food!! On friday we will go to Oistins to eat fish, but my favourite were recently fried hot (as in very spicy hot) fish cakes!

INGREDIENTS

2 tbsp oil
1 cup onions, finely chopped
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
Salt to your taste
1 egg lightly beaten
¾ cup milk
1 tbsp butter, melted
2 tbsp eschalots (finely chopped)
½ lb, salted cod fish, cooked and flaked
1 large fresh hot pepper ( finely chopped)

METHOD
In a heavy frying pan, heat the oil and saute the onions until they are just wilted.
Place flour, baking powder and salt in bowl.Make a well in center and pour egg, butter and milk. Mix together lightly, then add the onions, eschalot, salted cod fish, salt and pepper.
Stir well. Drop by tablespoon full into hot oil, but do not crowd them in the pan. Cook for abour 3-4 minutes until they are golden brown on both sides.
Remove from pan and drain on absorbent paper. Serve very hot

See more progress on: try a new recipe once a month