Thursday, September 22, 2005

St. Francis of Assisi


Well, since I’m going to put a garden in my apartment as my next weekend project, Alberto had promised me to install a custom made fountain. I saw one sculpture of St. Francis but is too expensive and I thing I can put my arts talent to good use. I hadn’t modeled in so long my hands just tickle at the tought of feeling the wet clay molding into a form.

I was raised mostly in Catholic schools regented by the franciscan order and St. Francis love for all creatures still permeates what I am. So I won’t mind having him watching over me.

Something is hard!


There’s a saying if someone fails you once, is their fault, but if they fail you twice, then is yours.

It’s hard to give the other cheek sometimes, it’s hard to balance our own sake for benefit of those who are our responsability.

I’m responsable for every human being. Isn’t that the nature of compassion I thrive for?

Friday, September 02, 2005

Tables Posted by Picasa

31 Posted by Picasa

41 Posted by Picasa

This is 41 Posted by Picasa

Output Cube for entity 11. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The processing is running. Used to take 20mins. Don't check until it finish because that can lock the table and the process would take longer! I'll keep you informed! Posted by Picasa

screenshot inside the dts Posted by Picasa

Jose, I replicated the error. Couldn't find anything wrong in the ammount field. Posted by Picasa

Running Posted by Picasa

DTS running Posted by Picasa

Filling Output Cube for BC Posted by Picasa

Final stage. Processing 14 finally Posted by Picasa

Step 7. Running Entity 14 Allocations. Posted by Picasa

Still running... Posted by Picasa

You'll better watch this girl. She has potential. Emilie Simon. French. Hers is the soundtrack for the movie Marche de l�Empereur.
 Posted by Picasa

Still running. tic tac tic tac I'm holding a grenade in my hand. How was that song? Ah yes, "Why you don't pull the pin of that grenade you cuddle" Posted by Picasa

Well, it seems I made it.My body resetted itself. I can hold for another 24 hours without sleeping, unless I see the sunrise, that's hard since my room window faces east. Random thoughts, my chest feels cold suddenly. I wonder what R intention was when she came out, and the discussion we had after about sexuality preferences. I can understand her, her pain and her doubts. Because of my bipolarity I always felt different to the rest of the world, doomed with something people would skirm at instead of comprehend. So, why tell I'm a bipolar if people would feel more confident if they ignore the fact. The same with her, what she gains telling her family she's a lesbian? what she does in her bedroom is her problem, who she chooses to love is her problem, not her family or society's. And for God's sake, sex is just sex, we are animals after all. Of course, seems love is in the middle of all this. Love, that silly thing I can't seem to posses the ability to feel. I envy her. I warned her. Love would rise her, elevate her, and when is over she would need to face what she left behind while floating in chemical nirvana. So, would she have the strenght to confront her family once the love that gave her strenght would end? Silly human. She believes this love with this girl would last forever. I ask her why she choosed me to tell me about it. What she was expecting. She doesn't know, she just felt she could talk to me. I should've study psicology. At least I would be helping people. Posted by Picasa

Step 6. Head office still running Posted by Picasa

Mom, and I thought I would die before her. She seems so full of life, and now with that heart attack, could be anytime. I wonder how my mind works, I didn't showed any emotion, neither real concern. It was just another fact I had to deal with. Why I can't feel I ask myself sometimes. I Buddha is right, won't be the first time we are together and won't be the last, there are still lot of cycles to go trough, and our lives are together because of some choice a past me or a future me, you never know with Karma laws, choosed her. Of course that's what budhists scholars say and it's easy to believe in that instead of the catholic or the science version. Should I know about death, I had "died" twice. I still wonder what was going in my mind in those days. Death really looked to me as the only way out of a world I couldn't undertand and from a pain I ignored the source. Now I know, that put a smile on me sometimes when the toil is hard. The lotus blooms pure among the dirt. So Buddha speaks. God, I hate when I turn like this. The lack of sleep seems to free my mind and my fingers and they just want to write and write and write. Planning still running. 5:20am in Barbados, I just hope it finish on time.  Posted by Picasa

Step 5. Running HO allocations for BC. It's a pain in the arse to run this again. I wonder who changed the values in the database. Probably me. Well, one hour more to go. Posted by Picasa

Rumak is a very good photographer, I hope to find time to post in my site all the pictures he had sent me from Poland. Hope to be able to visit him.  Posted by Picasa

Step 5. Still running. Would be 5:00am in Barbados. I hope this finish soon. Posted by Picasa

I hadn't realize how much I love my sisters. Love, well, what I understand as it. I feel Jeni's problems are just a mirror of mine. I overcame them with help of Optimus but I'm not sure if I'm ethical enough to help her. My advice would be tainted by my own experiences, wish I could be partial on it. Deciding between what's good for her and what I think would be good for her. So I just comfort her and don't judge. What I can do for her? Taking her out of her so called husband and bring her to the Capital, she and Justin. I know the shock that would be, she's a pretty girl and men would be gravitating around here. With the judgment of a Chiriqui girl won't be rare she repeat past misteps. I think she just need someone to have faith in her, as Optimus had with me. Optimus, how far your son had gone, wish you where here to share all that, I had so many things to tell you. So many things I had discovered. You were right. People just need someone to believe in them. Posted by Picasa

Still waiting for the processes to complete. I'm wondering how many brain cells are dying right now but it's the only way to keep me awake to finisht this task. Big motivation. Since Noel and Pete would be working in their presentation I'll have a couple of days free. And I know where I want to spend them. Posted by Picasa