Fear, even thinking about the word put my heart in pursuit mode. Focusing in the source at least I’ve been able to stop those panic attacks I was wrongfully thinking where caused by other stuff. Learning to identify the fear as a fear and it’s logic source had helped me to get over it.
I was meditating this morning, just before the sun raised. Once I finished, before coming back, I asked a question, “why I get so distracted”, I saw myself as a Kid reading a book in aunt Mima’s house. I opened my eyes with that image and while swimming in the pool I was trying to find the meaning, what possible had to do my love for learning with myself being so distracted. To get the right answers or at least a good aproximation of yourself you should ask the right question, in this case I got the right question, “Why I readed books when I went to visit Aunt Mima’s house?”
The question was pretty obvious to myself.
The younger Ken was escaping a reality he didn’t want. Like the proverbial ostrich hiding his head in the sand that one was hiding his head between the pages of a book. Nobody asked me questions, nobody interrupted me, only to tell me the visit was over.
After that I tried to go back and ask more questions, but mind responded with noise.
Definitely I need to have long conversations with myself.
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