Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Maelstrom

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Past year was pretty intense for me! There were bad things, good things and incredible good things. I’m still trying to come to terms with what I’d learned and what I’ve to unlearn. It’s hard since coming back to my country, to the seemingly boxed mind of the people, I wonder if I feel this way because I got out of the box, or just got a peek outside of it. But whatever reason, I learned that my life is mine, and no one has the right to force the way I should live it. That’s the hardest part, when the people in your path, is your family and friends. How can I make them understand.

Maybe because of it I’m delaying taking decisions, hiding like a ostrich, my head covered with too many trivial tasks in order to avoid the ones that are really important.

So many things I don’t even name in my head afraid of doing so forcing me to take action.

I feel sometimes I’m in a maelstrom, trapped like Nemo without a way out, a toy of the waves, pushing me around, I want to stop, I want to hold to something and getting out of it and at the same time, i’m afraid of doing so.

Mom was clever, she had realized it. She told me on sunday “You still doesn’t know what to do”

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